To help all people working in IT and Support to have an easier workday, the following instructions should be sent out to all the users in your organization.
To help all people working in IT and Support to have an easier workday, the following instructions should be sent out to all the users in your organization.
Memo to all users from the IT department
1. When you call us to have your computer moved or repaired, please make sure you have all your papers, pictures and office supplies on top of the computer. We love some physical activity.
2. Do not write down anything. Never. We have the supernatural powers to magically retrieve all error messages from your computer.
3. When we say we will come to your desk and help you, you should leave your desk at once to get coffee or talk to other persons. We will never need you around for information about passwords and such things. We remember all this from our last visit.
4. When you receive an e-mail from the IT department with high importance, delete it at once. It is just a test. You only need to pay attention to e-mails that contains attachments like videos and pictures.
5. When you see someone from IT eats lunch, just approach and explain all your problems. IT exists just to serve the users all the time.
6. When something is wrong with your computer, you should just place it on the chair of some IT support person. Do not leave a clue about your name, number and what the fault is. We will find this out and return the computer to you in a couple of days.
7. When IT informs you that your monitor does *not* contain ink-cartridges, please disagree. We just love a good argument.
8. To motivate us, always use the answer 'How many weeks does that mean??', when we say we will come to your desk. Remember the important sarcastic tone in your voice.
9. If the printer does not print anything, you should retry at least 20 times. You might be lucky with one if them.
10. If the printer does not print after 20 attempts. The next thing to do is to send your print to all 68 printers located in the entire office building.
11. Never learn the name of anything technical. We know exactly what you mean when you say 'this shit is not working'.
12. If you are prompted 'Are you sure?' Click 'Yes' as quickly as possible. After all, if you were not sure you would not have done it in the first place? Right?